The people in your life

As of this past year, I've seen a few people go through some of the greatest pain I've ever seen anyone go through. Not the physical pain you feel when you scrape your knee or slice your thumb. Not the shallow emotional pain when someone yells at you or is disappointed in you. I'm talking about the devastating emotional pain that paralyzes and stabs into your core...the kind of pain that lasts for months...for years.

Both these cases involved the shattering of the strong, love-centered connections between two people. Sadly, the passion and power of these relationships were one-sided, like an unbalanced teeter-totter, one love was simply weaker or in some-cases non-existent to the other person. Does that mean the other person's done something wrong? That they're a bad person? No, not necessarily, sometimes that connection simply isn't there for the other person. It's sad to me that one person's neutral feelings can cause such pain to someone else...

For better or for worse, witnessing firsthand these experiences have definitely changed me. I've realized that investing all your emotions, trust, and entire life into a single person...simply isn't worth it. Now, I know this isn't true in all cases, two people completely head-over-heels in love with each other can be the essence of happiness. But to me, the risk simply isn't worth the potential payoff. I've seen way more people hurt (beyond measure) than benefit from such a strong bond. At this point in my life, I honestly don't care if I ever get married. I'd much rather invest my emotions and passions into things that I can count on. I'm learning more and more each day how I can appreciate life for the little things. A cup of warm coffee on a chilly day while watching the snow magically drift down outside...Breathing in the fresh air of the mountains as I explore the natural beauty that Washington has to offer. It's the sense of freedom, possibility, and wonder in these moments that bring me joy and make me happy to be alive. They're things I can always count on.

It's not that I have anything against relationships. Like I said earlier, they can be some of the most wonderful, magical things ever... I just think that in our modern society we live our life too bounded by cultural norms -- things we see on TV, things our parents did, things other people we know are doing. It's these decisions that get us into trouble. We aren't living our life as we want it, we're living as how we see other people living theirs. If you're a typical American who's 30 years old and single, you worry "I'm not married yet, but everyone else is!" Then go out and hastily marry the next person you're in a serious relationship with. We can't let social and cultural norms define our life like this. Maybe you marry when you're 18, maybe you marry when you're 40. You don't marry because you're "expected to" at a certain age... You marry because you've truly found someone that you have that special connection with. That someone who understands you, loves you for who you are, who laughs off your mistakes -- not criticizes them. This person can take a lifetime to find, you could live your whole live and never find them. Or you could fall for this person when you're in high school. The point is, we have to make our decisions based on what's truly important, not what's "expected" of us. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's impossibly hard. Marriage, in particular, is a very risky but potentially very rewarding tradition.

I would love nothing more than to find that special someone. But personally, I'm not going to try and rush it. At this point in my life I want to live for the things I love which can't bail out on me -- those little moments. Hopefully, that special person will show up one day...maybe they won't. But I'll always know that, at a time of my choosing, I can enjoy the bliss of sitting down with a tray of microwavable mac & cheese, some chocolate, and other snacks, turn down the lights and pop in my favorite movie.

So that's my rant for today. Take life slow, make your own decisions, and love the things in life that won't leave you behind.